Aren’t their times when your loving girlfriends and wives just need your boyfriends or husbands to stand by you? To hold you and comfort you when you are feeling down?
Given this scenario:
You are feeling down and feel rather lonely and tell your boyfriends or husbands about how you feel. Instead of comforting you, he does not attend to your feeling. When asked why he doesn’t do so, his reply is “I’m not in the position to do so now, and I choose not to. I’m in a bad mood”.
What will your reaction be when you hear these?
How would you feel?
If it was me, I think I may hear my heart falling into pieces. I will feel hurt and wonder why is he ignoring me? I may even feel rejected as if he doesn’t love me anymore. All the other negative thoughts may fill my emotions too.
What about you? Would you feel the same?
Tips on what can you do in times like these
Stop! Do not let your emotions run over you. Separate the actions from his love for you. They are 2 separate entities.
#1 Appreciate his honesty
Yes, your boyfriend or husband is in a bad mood. I appreciate that he is honest to tell you that he is in a bad mood and he finds that he is not in the position to comfort you at this point in time.
#2 Give him time and space
Men and women are really different in general. When we are in a bad mood, we will tend to want to share and talk it out with someone we trust. However, men work differently. When they are in a bad mood, what it means to you is, “I’m going into my ‘cave’, give me time. When I’m ready I will come out of it and talk to you”
So instead of trying to push him to tell you more, I guess the best way is to give him time and space.
#3 Separate the actions from his love for you
I reiterate men and women are different. We think very differently. Wanting to be by himself for a while does not mean that he is rejecting you or he does not love you anymore. So do separate the action of him telling you that he is not in a position to comfort you at this moment, from his love for you.
#4 Speak to a close trusted friend
Speak to a close trusted friend about it when you are feeling rejected and lousy at the point of time when your partner is reacting this way.
Your friend may be able to stand by you and listen to you. She might even be able to provide some objectivity to you in times like such when you are full of emotions and lose your objectivity.
I know loving girlfriends and wives out there. These are often easier said than done.
Remember you are not alone.
After the entire episode, do speak to your boyfriend or husband about how you felt when that happened. Do come to a common ground of how both of you could work out a solution when this thing happens again.
Ultimately, you are working it out together for the better of the relationship for both of you and not who wins or lose.