Are You a Disposable Partner? a long term relationship

Are You a Disposable Partner?

So you met this amazing guy.  Maybe you’ve had your eye on him for a while or he simply materialized out of thin air. Regardless of how you met him you now know that he’s available and you’re hoping, no praying that he’ll be yours, forever.

He’s everything that you’ve ever thought you wanted in a man, tall, dark, handsome, popular, charismatic and the list goes on and on. You and he hit it off quickly, your first date is within days of your first real talk.

You find him fascinating and he is so attentive to you. He seems to hang onto your every word. You feel as though you’ve known him your whole life and this makes you feel really comfortable.

Within a week or two, you wake up in his arms after a late-night date of dinner and drinks. You feel that it was meant to be, so why wait? Right? It was incredible and he was gentle, caring, and affectionate.

You go to school or work and you’re walking on cloud nine. You find it hard to concentrate because he occupies all of your thoughts. You cannot wait to see him again, have him hold you, smell his cologne, and feel his heartbeat when he is lying next to you.

A few weeks turn into a month and you’re still giddy with excitement at the sound of his voice when he calls. You swear to yourself, he is the one!

Then it all ends, quickly and without warning. The calls stop, the texts stop and the visits stop abruptly. You’re dumbfounded, you have no idea what occurred. What would make this man, the man that you thought was the one to simply vanish like that.

You question yourself, was it something you did or said? You rack your brain for answers that you simply do not have. He holds all of the answers and he’s elected not to talk to you and offer any.

This type of situation is frustrating, I know, and if you are going through it now or if you’ve gone through it before you know how much it hurts.  What you probably don’t know or didn’t know is that there is an answer to this madness.

Yep, and the answer is; “You accepted the position of a disposable partner.”

Now you may ask, “what exactly is a disposable partner?” As with anything that says disposable, it’s simply something you toss away when you’re finished with it. I know that it sounds harsh, but the reality of it is that this is exactly what it means.

disposable1

Now, your second question is possible, how did you become disposable and the third question, “Why you?” I’ll try to explain as best I can, but to truly understand, you have to be perfectly honest with yourself to identify the signs that you missed along the way.

Generally, you place yourself in a position to become disposable when you discover that he, although now single, recently got out of a long term relationship.

Coming out of a long term situation, men (and women alike) are not always ready to settle down again quite so quickly. Regardless of why their last relationship ended, they still enjoy the comforts of being in a relationship. In laymen’s terms, they enjoy having someone to spend time with, cuddle with, have sex with, and talk with.

However, they are not really in a hurry to jump right back in the saddle of being in a real possibly long term relationship again, so soon. They are not ready for various reasons, one important reason being is that many still harbor strong feelings for the person they were recently in a relationship with.

How long did it take you to actually get over your last boyfriend?

I am confident that it did not occur overnight. Even if the writing was on the wall for a break-up month in advance. Its human nature to resist change, we always think that there is a chance that we can fix whatever caused the break-up to begin with, and eventually the person we were once with will be receptive to a reconciliation, eventually.

However, to help ease the pain of a failed relationship we seek out someone to assist us with numbing the pain. This is where you came in, unfortunately.

We still know the right things to say, how to act to hide our heartbreak, and charm you into assisting us with trying to forget the recent past. In return, you are duped into thinking that the possibility of a long term relationship is real.

Now, you lose because of course, you may have chosen to sleep with this individual way too soon. By doing so you assisted him by fulfilling his needs of maintaining a relationship function albeit without a commitment. In a nutshell, you actually were filling her space, without really taking her (previous girlfriend) place (unbeknownst to you).

Looking at this from a different perspective, very few people stay long-term with the first person they are with after the break-up of a long-term relationship. This person (possibly you) is therefore designated as a disposable partner.

Oh, and you are not the only one. Generally, at least in men anyway, we go through at least three disposable partners before settling into another long-term situation. Why? Because the very first woman, regardless of how great she is, is competing emotionally with the woman we still have feelings for.

The second woman is simply to distance ourselves and to enjoy the freedom of being single once again. Especially once we know that our former lover is under no circumstances about to reconcile with us.

The third woman, she’s to build our ego to assure us that we are still men that women are attracted to and even though she may be great, our conquest of her is necessary to fuel our egos. Sorry!

So if you really want to avoid the possibility of being a disposable partner to any man, make the conscious decision to identify the possibility quickly.

If he is recently single, take your time and be careful of appearing too easy of a target.  If you really like him, then you may want to wait for a while, to determine if he is really over his ex and if he’s done being single again.

Remember, you’re a beautiful, intelligent, caring woman and as with most women, you have patience on your side. Utilizing this trait to your advantage could be the difference between being the first woman after his break-up of the 4th woman.

Trust me when I say this, this is one situation where you really don’t want to be number 1!

Carlos Cavallo’s Women’s Dating & Relationships

 

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